you know, i haven't had the guts to do anything for a long time, especially when it concerned you. remember that gift you gave me? i just kept it in my closet, never having the guts to look at it and up until now it was lying aroung there long forgotten, actually i was afraid it was going to replay all the memories i wished to erase. trying to, pleading to but never really actually doing it... i know i did a lot, i regret almost all of them, but somehow i cannot see myself any other way.

why?

yes, that's the question i'm still trying to answer. i think you've already given up, maybe because you thought i already did. but hey, i'm still here, though i hoped to be gone from your life and you from mine i just kept on looking back... hoping and wishing what i did was right because i knew from any angle it wasn't. i never had the courage to say anything after what happened, mostly because there was guilt, yes i still have that, and embarassment...

oh i know it's been what? 3 months i think.. and i know you're trying to forget about it, or even already forgot about it, but... let me have one last hirit.

i'm sorry... yes i know i have said it like a million times already but that's all i can ever say anymore... i'm sorry and i hope you could forgive me and i hope we could try at least try to be as we were before... i nnever wanted it like this, not like this... not us drifting apart from a great friendship... not because of me! not because i ruined it all!!

i really missed my life when you were there... i missed the bestest best friend i ever had.... i missed all of it... i know i cannot bring our friendship back the way it was, but god! i'm willing to try every single thing just to have it almost as it was before or even better... i hope..

tonight i had the courage to finally open my closet and scrutinize your gift... and having the courage to put back what had been shattered... it's now all up to you if you'd let me to...

i hope you do...

alix | 11:53:00 PM